When I was 13 I was molested by my science teacher at the fancy private school my parents sent me to. I was obsessed with science and really looked up to him. He was the first teacher who really took me and my interest in science seriously. He would let me stay after school and help him in the “lab” which was really just a smallish storage room with all the apparatus for classroom demonstrations and experiments. It had all sorts of junk in it, some of it going back decades, and I guess it was part of his job to organize it and figure out what was working and useful and what should be thrown out. I felt like I was in heaven surrounded by dusty chemical bottles and glassware and electronic test instruments and so on.
Most of the equipment was meant for high school classes, and I was only in 8th grade but Mr. M would set experiments up for me and show me how to use the apparatus. He emphasized the importance of taking good notes and explained the science behind the experiments. It was like having a private tutor and I was incredibly happy that someone was paying attention to me because I was basically a loser kid, smart but with no friends at all. I was chubby and awkward and terrible at sports, all I really cared about was science. I stayed after school every day for a few hours and I basically lived for that time, my classes were all either boring because I already knew the material (math, science) or because I couldn’t care less about it (history, English, art, and so on), although I got good grades in every subject. But doing actual hands-on experiments was the best thing ever.
My parents were thrilled too because they both worked and I would have been sitting around at home by myself for those few hours. I was in paradise and thought Mr. M was the greatest person ever. Over time he started physically closer and closer when we were doing experiments together. For example he’d sit next to me and lean over when I was taking notes, or he’d be touching my hands while helping me set the apparatus up instead of just showing me. I honestly didn’t notice anything weird at all until the day that he was just casually resting his hand on my thigh (I was wearing jeans) and it suddenly occurred to me that it was a bit strange that it had been there that long. And I didn’t say or do anything and eventually he started to move his hand around kind of stroking my thigh, all while basically pretending nothing odd was happening. I wasn’t actually worried or upset just kind of confused.
And when his hand crept up in my crotch it already felt like it was too late to say anything so I just let him go on. When he started to kind of massage me down there I got an erection and I remember feeling very embarrassed that he was going to notice that I was hard, as if it was wrong of me to have that involuntary response, which shows how confused my thinking was. It also felt very good, much more intense than the kind of masturbation I had figured out which was basically humping my bed. I’d never actually jerked off at that point. After a few minutes I basically stopped talking (we’d been talking about the experiment the whole time as if nothing were happening) and I closed my eyes and just concentrated on the feeling. I even spread my thighs apart more so he could use his whole hand. It felt good, like I didn’t have any control over what was happening but I knew Mr. M wouldn’t do anything bad to me so I just relaxed. He had stopped talking too and was just silently rubbing me. After a couple of minutes it started feeling especially intense and I couldn’t help moaning a little. Mr. M just kept going and suddenly I couldn’t take it any more and ejaculated in my pants. I remember my eyes were still closed and it seemed like I saw a bright flash of yellow light when I had the orgasm. It soaked through quickly and Mr. M stopped touching me down there and just started stroking my hair. I had no idea what to think, I was just a swirling mass of confusion.
For some reason I was really worried,, like I felt that I had done something wrong and Mr. M might not want me to work in the lab after school any more. But he didn’t really say anything or acknowledge that anything had happened, we took down the apparatus like normal. I was worried that people would notice the wet spot in my crotch (weirdly I just imagined people would think I’d pissed myself) but by the time I went home it had mostly dried and besides there weren’t very many people around at 6PM, but I still held my book bag in front of me as I walked home.
I showed up at the lab as usual the next day and nothing out of the ordinary happened. I actually felt like I’d fucked up somehow and that’s why Mr. M wasn’t touching me anymore. I was just happy that I was still allowed to be there and do science. It was a couple of weeks before he did it again. This time I was wearing shorts and he put his hand on my bare thigh. The whole thing was so confusing to me that I was just feeling happy that he was touchng me again because it meant that he wasn’t unhappy with me. I wanted to be sure I did the right thing so I spread my thighs again and he went to town on my little erection, over my shorts. When I started to moan again he started to pull down my shorts and said “let’s not make a mess.” I actually stood up a little to let him and he just pulled them and my underwear down and exposed my genitals. My penis wasn’t very large, I guess it still isn’t huge but at 13 I was still in the early stages of puberty. I had a patch of fuzzy hair there but not much more than that. It was weird being hard and exposed in front of Mr. M but in the end he was already touching me so….
He bent down and tried to take me into his mouth and then I actually did get scared. I sort of pushed his head away and said “no…” probably not very convincingly but he stopped. I didn’t really know what he wanted to do but having him put it in his mouth felt too scary. He sort of stopped doing anythihg but I was still itting there with my shorts at my ankles, not doing or saying anything, and it was awkward. After what seemed like forever he started to massage my shoulders and I felt absurdly relieved, like, I guess he’s not mad that I pushed him away before. It felt nice being massaged, it felt nice being touched in any way. My parents loved me but were never touchy-feely types and obviously I didn’t have a girlfriend or anything. Honestly I would have been happy just getting a shoulder massage like that!
After a while Mr. M whispered “stand up” and I did, stepping out of my shorts and underwear as I did so I wouldn’t trip. He pulled off my T-shirt and I instinctively raised my hands up to help him get it off. Then I was standing bare naked in front of him. He started saying I was beautiful and I just didn’t know what to think. I didn’t think of myself as beautiful at all, I was chubby and had a belly and even slight breasts, I had tousled dirty-blond hair and freckles and, well, I knew I was a total nothing in the looks department. I used to try to hide my body when getting changed for gym and stuff like that, and I always felt like girls were giggling at how awkward I was. It was nice to have someone admiring me even though it wasn’t a girl my age but an older man – now in retrospect based on what I have been able to find about Mr. M on the net (yes I looked him up) I realize he was in his early to mid twenties at most but when you’re 13 that still feels like a huge difference.
He was looking me up and down and running his hands over my body and I had to admit it felt good. He sat back down and sort of half-gestured, half pulled me down to sit in his lap; I could feel his hardness through his pants against my bare butt. He had his face in my hair and was stroking my chest and belly and honestly it felt amazing just being held and touched by someone. I got hard again and he kept sort of cuddling me from behind while he fondled my genitals and when I started to get close to an orgasm i wriggled around a lot in his lap and he was breathing hard and kind of pushing up against me. I heard him groan and then he went kind of silent and abruptly stopped fondling me. It felt bad because I had been close and he stopped at just the wrong time. Nothing happened for a few minutes and I just kind of sat there in his lap and he held me. Eventually I stood up and I could see he had a wet spot in his crotch. I was still hard and a little frustrated and I just kind of blurted out “you can put it in your mouth if you want.” He looked very surprised but after a silent pause he leaned over and began to kiss and lick my penis. It made me giggle in spite of myself but it also felt great. He murmured something about how good I smelled, which really seemed bizarre. I let him keep licking and eventually he started jerking my penis with his hands while licking and kissing the head and when I was ready to come he took me into his mouth and I just let loose. He swallowed it and then I silently got dressed and went home.
After that it just became a regular thing, a few times a week after doing an experiment we”d do stuff. There was an old ratty couch in the “lab” and we would sit there. The lab door didn’t have a window to the corridor (many of the classrooms did) and I guess it was locked at all times (I used to knock when I got there and he’d let me in). At least Mr. M. didn’t seem to worry about our being interrupted. Usually we’d sit on the sofa for a while talking, I began to open up to him about non-science stuff, like how lonely I was with no friends, and about which girls in the class I had crushes on. He liked me talking about the girls and would ask me to describe what I thought they looked like naked. It made me feel grown up to have him talking like that with me, let alone taking a sexual interest in me. After a while he’d tell me to get undressed and I’d sit in his lap while we talked, he’d fondle me all over and eventually bring me to an orgasm either with his hands or I’d stand up and he’d do it with his mouth. He never got undressed himself or made me do anything directly to him but he’d rub against me while I was in his lap and he’d usually come, or sometimes he’d touch himself while he was sucking me. I actually felt kind of bad that he didn’t get undressed too, but I was too shy to say anything.
At one point he took a whole bunch of photos of me naked. This was before digital cameras and I think he probably developed them himself (there was a darkroom in the school) but I never asked and never saw the photos. I kind of wish I had them today (even though they’d be illegal of course) as I only have memories of looking at myself in the mirror to know what I looked like naked then. I guess I couldn’t have been that ugly at least if someone liked chubby blond boys with freckles.
As it turned out i ended up taking the test for a public magnet school in our city that year and got in, so I went to there for high school. Pretty much until summer I kept going after school and most days Mr. M would end up getting me undressed and doing stuff with me. When the term ended I was going to summer camp and I told Mr. M that I would see him in August when I got back, I’d come to visit even once I was in high school. But as it turns out I never went back and never saw him again. High school was weird and complicated and challenging but also a chance to start again making friends and because it was a science and math school there were other kids who were interested in the same things I was. I had a very good first year and made friends and in 10th grade I even got a girlfriend.
Today I realize that Mr. M molested me but I can’t really feel anything negative towards him. He was gentle and I really liked the attention. I’m not really attracted to men. I met a kid the first day of 9th grade who quickly became my best friend and we foooled around, masturbated together and even rubbed up against each other and stuff, but I’ve only really had serious relationships with girls starting with that girl in 10th grade. I didn’t actually have sex with a girl until college, and as I said I did fool around with my best friend so between that and remembering what I did with Mr. M I was kind of confused for a while about maybe I was gay or at least bi but eventually I decided I was basically straight. I still get turned on thinking about those early experiences though.
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